Satire

September 23rd, 2007

By: CRS Staff

In losing a tough game to the Oakland Raiders, who had previously been winless in their last eleven games, the Cleveland Browns will now have to wait at least eight more weeks to clinch the AFC North.  Despite another TD reception by Braylon Edwards and a stout defensive performance that saw the Browns actually hold an opponent under 34 points, the team could not capitalize and decrease their 'magic number' for clinching the division.  The setback occured on the same day that their Cleveland sports brethren, the Cleveland Indians, decreased their magic number to zero in wrapping up the American League's Central division for 2007.

"It's tough, man", said Coach Romeo Crennel of the loss.  "Last week we scored more points than the Bengals and won.  This week, we scored less points than the Raiders and lost.  This just proves that to win in this league, you definitely have to score more points than the other team."  The Browns travel back home to play the 2-1 Baltimore Ravens next Sunday, who like the Pittsburgh Steelers are above the Browns in the AFC North standings.  If the Browns can beat the Ravens, and the Steelers lose on the road to the 1-2 Arizona Cardinals, their magic number will move all the way to 14.  "It's just like when the Indians swept the Tigers last week", said Edwards.  "When you have your division rival on the ropes like we do, we have to deliver that knockout blow.  The Indians magic number was 16 just a few weeks ago, right?  It's only a matter of time for us too."

Despite the confidence shown by the team, not all fans were convinced.  "Magic number?", asked longtime season ticket holder Nate Petursky.  "I didn't know they even used that in the NFL, and I assumed if they did it was only for teams actually in first-place late in the year."  Other fans commented that talk of a magic number smelled of a publicity stunt by the team, and a possible attempt to steal thunder away from the town's baseball franchise. 

Responding to that criticism, Crennel had the last word.  "If I could line up C.C. Sabathia at nose tackle and finally stop the run around here, maybe we wouldn't have to make up a fake magic number to get people excited."