Top 10 Signs We Should Have Been Skeptical Of Larry Dolan's Promise
To Spend Money On A Winner
Satire
By CRS Staff
Ever since the free-spending, division-winning seasons
of John Hart and Dick Jacobs, Indians fans have seen a return to the days of dealing veterans for prospects rather than see
a commitment to winning. We've all been fed the excuse that new owner Larry Dolan would spend the money once the team
became competitive again. OK, so that makes economic sense, especially for a smaller market like Cleveland. But
while we wish we could say otherwise, perhaps there were signs that this was simply an empty promise....
10. All Indians scouts told to use reallyreallycheaptickets.com
to book air travel, or else fly Southwest through a minimum of three connecting airports (DING!).
9. Pepsi vending machines inside team offices at Jacobs Field replaced
with Shasta Cola.
8. Home run leader Travis Hafner asked "Do you really need that second PB&J
sandwich?" upon attempting to go back through the line at Indians pre-game spread.
7. Bare spots in Jacobs Field outfield replaced with Home Depot indoor-outdoor
carpet strips.
6. All Indians management required to watch Major League & Major League
II as part of a 'cost-cutting brainstorm meeting'.
5. Mark Shapiro returns from vacation to discover his authentic mahogany
desk has been sold on eBay, replaced with a used Little Tykes picnic table.
4. Scout assigned to cover the Dominican Republic for the Tribe actually a
9 year-old boy.
3. In interview with a local business journal, Dolan cites Ford Motor Company
as the company he'd most like his organization to emulate.
2. Dolan announces new criteria to Indians brass for selecting future
free agents: "cheap, some talent, cheap - pick any two".
1. Essentially swaps major-league quality outfielder for a possible
felon, injured reliever, and a future Yankee to be traded in 2010.
